on the wallflower

am i a person or a mirror?
reflecting every quiver
and tremor
in your desires and wonts’.

you are yourself around me
and no one else.
is it because i’m a great friend,
or because i have no true self?

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gaps.

When you looked at me then
What did you see?
Fake smiles and real smiles,
Laughter and chatter,
When words flew out
Making no sense
But they were words
And they were precious
And they were words.

I crossed the river
With a confidence now alien
The journey sucking out
Everything I had taken for granted
A cry, a shiver, abashed and daunted
I smiled, I dithered, I wouldn’t go back
Waiting, pacing, waiting and waiting
For the grass
That wasn’t any greener
On the other side.

When you look at me now
What do you see?
Forced smiles amidst fake lies
Awkwardness and silence
As words fly out
To fill the spaces
I feel now missing
In me.