I’m talking about the people whose paths you cross, but that’s about it. You probably knew them really really well at one point, shared superficial inside jokes and memories that were so friggin photogenic. You know their favourite TV Shows, movies, songs, food and subjects. You know what they thought of that book you talked about, or that movie you watched together and that scene you couldn’t stop laughing at. You’ve probably texted them more than you’ve talked to them face-to-face and you gradually stop talking to them.
You probably don’t know where they were born or even their middle name. You may not know who they’ve crushed on or why they’re pissed off or when they’re depressed. You may whine about things together, but only if it’s random or hilarious to whine about it. You haven’t crossed that line beyond which it’s okay to act like a bitch or say intense things and pour your soul out to them.
You hang out in different social circles and while having mutual friends isn’t a pre-requisite to bond, it makes it harder to go beyond talking about certain things. Talking about certain people would feel weird. Bringing up certain topics that are common knowledge to everyone might feel too ‘obvious’ to bring up or like prying.
You may have sounded weirdly formal or corny when you first started getting to know them. And you aren’t weirdly formal or corny. It feels weird and fake to suddenly turn into who you think you are. Like Ross Gellar “phasing out” of his fake British accent.
You don’t really have a lot in common with this person. It’s day-to-day activities and classes and routine that unites you and gives you things to talk about. Once you don’t have these things that push you together, it’s sudden and surprising- but all that’s left is forced chit-chat and awkward silences.
Or sometimes, time and distance just makes you forget them and makes things fade with time.
Sometimes though, things.. like Facebook asking me to ‘reconnect’ with them, or texts, or old e-mails, or old presents and photos.. make me think about these people I once knew and just.. think. We could’ve been close but we aren’t. Or we were on the brink of close. Almost Best-friends-forever.
And I wonder what they’re doing and I miss them.
Caught Harry Potter yesterday.
Everyone agreed that it could’ve been better. More than anything, the whole experience was ruined for me this time because I was as depressed as hell before, after and during the movie due to other reasons. But I liked the end unlike most people. And the way it was shot was beautiful. Am I the only one who thought Dumbledore said some really weird, awkward things in the middle?
And god. Ginny was so not like how she’s supposed to be. And what’s with the balcony things? I don’t know. It wasn’t very Hogwarts-y. The first three movies got the feel of the book way way better.
Anyway, yeah, you can’t expect such a brilliant, brilliant book to be got exactly right on film. I would’ve probably enjoyed it more if: a) I hadn’t had to rush from school and join my friends and miss the first two minutes of the movie and b) cared so much about the fact that the person sitting next to me and I had kind of had this mini-Cold-War yesterday.
I guess this year was just not meant to be. Fuzzy-warm-awesome traditions have either vanished or become these iron-clad LAWS. Ridiculous, but true. I miss a lot of things but I guess I shouldn’t brood. People change, things change and the world evolves.
And I shouldn’t be so resitant to the new traditions that are cropping up which feel nice but I just tell myself that they aren’t how things are supposed to be because I’m more attached to some things than I should be.
On the brighter side of things, I have a new fictional character to crush on now: Severus Snape. Wow. I loved him. I love him. Why did he ever not find some one again?
I can totally relate to him nowadays. I think that’s one grade better than finding myself to be so so much like Lee Fiora from Prep. THAT was depressing.
I’m always at a loss for words lately.
I gesture. I scream. I jump. I mumble. But words? No, I don’t even have that anymore. It’s sad. Even Boyzone’s better off if you know what I mean.
When did it start? When did opening my mouth and speaking feel like a chore? When did I feel annoyed to answer questions? When did small talk start annoying me when I used to know nothing but small talk once upon a time?
It’s stupid but frustration, anger and hopelessness is said to do things to people I guess. It’s more of ‘Why bother?’ than anything else. It’s only when my friend or someone (usually p) points it out in that matter-of-fact, rather rude Oh-You-Suck way that it really becomes something I want to rectify.
Especially since when I do open my mouth, all the wrong things usually come out.
Top 5 ‘phrases’ I’ve used lately:
“I don’t care.”