getting our shit together.

2018 was a hard year. There’s no other way of saying it, or thinking about it.

I lost SO much, yet gained so much, only to lose it all again.

I learned:

  • to own my mistakes. not taking/ acknowledging an action taken in no way made it invisible, or in no way made me some bystanding victim (besides, being a bystander is still responsibility). there’s also so much more control in accepting that you messed up and will now proceed through steps 0-5 to getting your shit together.
  • to accept/ see reality. again, I could choose not to see/ laugh past my obvious discomfort in certain areas of my life and it might be photoshopped out of my narrative that way in the years to come but that doesn’t obscure it from my everyday life – and only ensures that the same patterns repeat.
  • trust my instincts. I know what I want to do, most of the time and need to go with my gut – even if it involves leaving a gathering early or saying something mildly uncomfortable.
  • time is precious. for the most part, every second wasted on something i’m “committed” to (by means of salary/ label/ ongoing means of validation/ whatever else) but not necessarily invested in, at the expense of things I really want to do leaves me exhausted and disgruntled in the long run.
  • be grateful. look at all the people and things cushioning my fall every fucking second of the day.
  • be kind. to myself, and everyone around me. what they’re saying isn’t always about me. they’re going through a shit ton too.

happy 2019. let’s get our shit together and keep fighting, please.