’cause i’m happy.

i wake up half an hour later than i should have. i wake up with the same problems, worries, approach-avoidance conflicts and chaotic schedule that i flicked the light off on. but something has changed.

i get an earl grey tea bag and sandwich spread with me to the mess. i am confused in statistics class, but over the course of two hours as we toil over the same two-way ANOVA problem, i finally, finally understand it before the class is done. at lunch, i discover that my appetite is back to normal. i no longer forget the pickle, shun the chappati and avoid the buttermilk. instead, i load my plate with lots and lots of food and suddenly, when my plate is full… i realise that i’m okay again.

my appetite is back. and just like that, so are my energy levels. so is my zest for life. my enthusiasm about classes. my acceptance that i had a shitty few weeks. my assent that yes, sometimes life and the people in it need not be the way you want it to be but you can try. they are not your puppets. but you can have your say, carpe diem, and all that.

 the gears have shifted. spanish is actually fun. i don’t sleep and daydream my way through class. it’s like the conjugations have trudged through the carpet of absolute complacence in my brain and have finally, finally gotten through to me. and i’m happy again. it’s weird how sometimes, sadness comes and goes in a whoosh. one day, you’re fine. suddenly, you’re not okay. and then, just as suddenly, things fix themselves in your head. i don’t know how but they do.