Imaginary interviewer: How does it feel to be in a rut?
It feels stupid, that’s how it feels. Half the things you found fun just a while ago seem hopeless. You seem to have grown out of it (harry potter, skins, chocolate, happiness). And you waste twenty gigabytes worth downloading space to come to that original conclusion.
Worse, all you seem to do is lounge around staring at stuff: whether it’s laptop screens, books you painstakingly borrowed so that your break would be interesting or your phone, analysing people’s statuses and display pictures to death.
And then there’s the things you actually need to do… phone calls you vowed to make or posts you told yourself you’d write but those things feel so difficult.
You stare at your phone for hours… fiddling through random Apps but you cannot bring yourself to dial a number. Or catch up with that old friend who you fed the “we should meet up” line to. Or make a career-benefiting enquiry. That feels like a disproportionate amount of effort.
You feel tired all the time… because all you do is lounge around and make plans in your head… or step out of the house only to feel glad when you’re back until you realise you’re back to square one… and wonder what you did last year that was so darn entertaining because you cannot come up with anything right now.
Every night, you tell yourself the next day is going to be so much better. You make a schedule for yourself in your head, check astrology.com because your horoscope suddenly dictates your life (since nothing else does)… and bam, nothing happens.
The sun rises in the east and you’re still in this nonsensical rut.