“change” vs change

When you’ve been living in the same place for more than ten years, even changes follow a pattern that’s constant. There are ups and downs and adjustment and tears if you, like me, went to a college where the people are just so different from the kind you’ve been slumming with your whole life. It’s all new new new. If not, it’s even devoid of that.

This “change” is barely one fourth of your life. There are always your other friends, who’ll be there in your life forever. You can afford to be a loner in college, because you’ll still have them. You get to divide your life into partitions.

Soon, this wave of change, becomes a straight line as you get used to that as well. The comfort level goes up up and whatever’s above up. You get to weed out the people from your past who were just there, and you couldn’t make more than smalltalk with. You have that friend you always go to the library with, another friend you always go to the parlour with, and the friends you hang out at parties with, and the friends you go with to the smaller parties. You have the friends who you text 24/7 and even the people you regularly bump into are limited to a predictable few.

Everyone gets┬ácategorized. Everything’s so organized and safe.

Or maybe this is just with people like me who are so immune to craziness and┬áspontaneity. It’s nice, but it takes away the element of surprise. And I’m the kind of person who’s forever waiting to be surprised.

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equilibrium

I spent today doing nothing. I lazed around, ate home-cooked pasta, texted my school friends and read a bit of The Bell Jar (the book I’m currently reading). When my mobile phone rang, and it was an automated call from my phone company, I’d actually feel relief. When I recieved a text, and it was something lame, like a Forward or if it was once again, from my Phone Company… I’d just smile, and feel even better.

Thursday was one of those perfect days when I found out I’d got decent MidSem scores, won two prizes in a paper presentation and a collage, met up with school friends, and actually had fun in college. Friday was a holiday, and it’s the weekend now. I feel content to sit by myself and read and read and read. I feel so stable, so pleasant and like I’m at Equilibrium.

I don’t particularly want to have a half hour phone conversation or text someone I haven’t texted in ages. I don’t need to go out somewhere and freak out. I do need to get started on the backlog of homework, but I’ll be immune to its aftereffects till Sunday…

Till then, I want to be undisturbed, in this weird, serene, calm, half-lazy yet half-awesome state. I do not want anything to disturb the balance.