Free Association

It’s been awhile. I felt this really great urge to blog minutes back. Now, it’s almost gone. Instead, I feel the urgency to get it done with fast, as I have to study for my MidSem exam that’s day after. So I’m just BLANK, as you often are when you think too much and don’t know what to do about it.

If I’m anything, I’m SLOW. My thought processes ARE kind of fast (like, I think too much and get tensed really quickly) but my responses are eh… way too slow. And when I’m muddled like I am now, I take a full ten minutes to even comprehend what people are saying. This also happens when I’m playing the violin. This make it SO HARD to meet new people and have said people not think I’m a total fool.


Also, the pressure to study and do well in college is super high these days. It was okay in tenth standard when you weren’t really studying for you. But when you ARE studying coz you know you need to study if you want to get anywhere in life and get into some place awesome for PG, the pressure is on. I came back home at 10pm yesterday from my best friend’s party, and was forced to study all night for today’s exam which was postponed in the end because of the rain.

Also, I ended up sleeping from twelve to six today, and woke up feeling like a FOOL. What a waste of a perfectly good day! Now, I’ve got to start studying for the test due day after.

I like the weather, though. It’s amazing. It’s all rainy, and it’s actually nice and cool in Chennai. I feel like lazing around and reading Wodehouse… not studying about Hormones and the Mind-Brain relationship. PG Wodehouse’s books are like desert, by the way. I don’t know how I survived without reading his books before. The prose is like Wow. Makes me laugh a dozen times every ten pages

I feel kind of lame and sad and lonely though… sometimes. It’s random and while I do have really good friends, I feel like such a floater- who doesn’t quite belong anywhere.

I also wish I’d taken Journalism instead of Psychology. I feel like choosing Psychology over Journalism was a big mistake. It’s just not interesting anymore. I’m more interested in the stuff my friends who took Journalism are studying.

It’s no use thinking What If, and wishing I could go back and relive the Summer of 2010 (the best days of my life), but I do think… I do pine for things like a lost puppy.

If I’d been Psychoanalysed- the contents of the above would’ve been more or less what I’d let out in the process of free association. Ok I’m done. I think.




It’s 2:08AM. I’m finally done with the assignment due last week. I’ll probably get around to doing the assignment due yesterday this weekend… if I’m insanely dedicated. This is sad.