and finally.

So, it’s the end of the beginning. The beginning of the end.

My exams are finally over! FINALLY. After two months of slogging, crying, nearly ripping apart textbooks in frustration, texting frantically, texting angrily, making plans for “after the board exams”, drinking iced-tea and thumbing through the 6763 odd lessons left the night before the exam and wondering when it would end, watching American Idol and Chuck and reading Veronica Mars transcripts in between studying, going on Facebook every five minutes, twitter-stalking celebs, Facebook-stalking people I didn’t talk to anymore, thinking about the past, the present, the future, freaking out, letting really dumb things ruin my day…

Making lists of things to do when the exams got over, making promises to yourself, deals with Fate (“I’ll start studying for Eco RIGHT. AWAY if I do well in Bio.”), dreaming, dreaming, dreaming, dreaming, not letting the drama queens get to me, the bitch-fights IN THE MIDDLE OF EXAMS piss me off, with the dreaming, dreaming, dreaming…

And it’s here. The Day. The beginning of the end of the beginning. The end of 12th standard, school, hanging out in front of the canteen, talking super-loudly in empty classrooms with friends when there’s a class going on in the same floor and we’re supposed to be downstairs playing a sport, losing so many textbooks and water bottles, the “funny” fights that end too quickly, walking with S in circles after school as we talk about nothing, reading ridiculously trashy books in the school library, getting cornered by a teacher and laughing for hours after she leaves, texting and getting calls from Z and D and F just when I assume we’ve lost touch for good, the A-P-P-P Harry Potter movie tradition…

It’s all over. Forever.

I’m not a sentimental person. I’m too busy expecting more and anticipating things to long for more of the present. I always thought I wouldn’t miss school that much. It’s not like I do now. It just feels unreal that’s its all over. Unreal that the 12 year period flew by. Unreal that I don’t have to put the wrong date-of-birth in Yahoo or Photobucket anymore. Unreal that I still feel fifteen, or sixteen, or thirteen years old…

Not seventeen.

Can’t be seventeen. That’s how old the kids were in The OC. Or Veronica Mars. I thought I’d never be that age. I thought I’d be watching high-school movies and TV Shows forever and be in school forever.

It’s unreal that I despite the drama, the drifting apart, the changes I wouldn’t have anticipated, I’m still pretty much the same. I’m still searching, finding my niche, and in the process, I seemed to have unlearned a lot more than I’ve learned.

This summer equals Idol, Script Frenzy, texting, hanging out with the usual people in the beach, talking on the phone, books, French class, maybe guitar as well, while struggling with college admissions (which will briefly give K and I something to talk about at last) and anticipating an easier, better life in college with everything being better than what it really is.

That’s what I’ve been doing since the summer of 2008.

That’s what I shall be doing till I feel like I have something better to do, somewhere better to go… when I’ll stop anticipating, planning, wondering and start living and believing I’m actually where I am.


  1. =D that’s so cool! Coz Joshua Schwartz’s shows normally kinda slump after Season 2. Like GG and The OC. I’m totally looking forward to Season 3! I’m in the 21st epi of Season 2 😀 And haha. Can’t get enough of Casey 😉

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