gaps.

When you looked at me then
What did you see?
Fake smiles and real smiles,
Laughter and chatter,
When words flew out
Making no sense
But they were words
And they were precious
And they were words.

I crossed the river
With a confidence now alien
The journey sucking out
Everything I had taken for granted
A cry, a shiver, abashed and daunted
I smiled, I dithered, I wouldn’t go back
Waiting, pacing, waiting and waiting
For the grass
That wasn’t any greener
On the other side.

When you look at me now
What do you see?
Forced smiles amidst fake lies
Awkwardness and silence
As words fly out
To fill the spaces
I feel now missing
In me.

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thelostandfound.

Caught Harry Potter yesterday.

Everyone agreed that it could’ve been better. More than anything, the whole experience was ruined for me this time because I was as depressed as hell before, after and during the movie due to other reasons. But I liked the end unlike most people. And the way it was shot was beautiful. Am I the only one who thought Dumbledore said some really weird, awkward things in the middle?

And god. Ginny was so not like how she’s supposed to be. And what’s with the balcony things? I don’t know. It wasn’t very Hogwarts-y. The first three movies got the feel of the book way way better.

Anyway, yeah, you can’t expect such a brilliant, brilliant book to be got exactly right on film. I would’ve probably enjoyed it more if:  a) I hadn’t had to rush from school and join my friends and miss the first two minutes of the movie and b) cared so much about the fact that the person sitting next to me and I had kind of had this mini-Cold-War yesterday.

I guess this year was just not meant to be. Fuzzy-warm-awesome traditions have either vanished or become these iron-clad LAWS. Ridiculous, but true. I miss a lot of things but I guess I shouldn’t brood. People change, things change and the world evolves.

And I shouldn’t be so resitant to the new traditions that are cropping up which feel nice but I just tell myself that they aren’t how things are supposed to be because I’m more attached to some things than I should be.

On the brighter side of things, I have a new fictional character to crush on now:  Severus Snape. Wow. I loved him. I love him. Why did he ever not find some one again?

I can totally relate to him nowadays. I think that’s one grade better than finding myself to be so so much like Lee Fiora from Prep. THAT was depressing.

lookingback.

It’s been a year.

Soon it’ll be years.

I think about it smiling sadly, nostalgically, regretfully.

It’s all like we feared-

Losing touch, getting bored, moving on.

Everything our innocent, delusional selves

Thought would never happen.

At least, that’s what we voiced aloud.

Last year, we had things

Traditions

Corny, but it meant something.

But now everything’s uncertain,

I don’t know you

You don’t know me.

Am I the only one who cares?

Maybe, but I was the one who broke away

Too shy, too inhibited to stay remembered.

Too hasty, too insecure, too vague

Yet too proud, too aloof, too considerate.

Too tired, too sorry, too confused,

While you found yourselves

And with your new life, diffused-

My own self-fulfilled prophecy in the making;

At least you got to know you.

I still don’t know me.